Horrors! Uterus loves freaking people out with her Monstrual Cycle.
IHeartGuts is easily one of the greatest things I’ve ever discovered. So many laughs and they’ve continued long past the post-surgery plushies.
Well, as of last Friday, I no longer have a work-husband. Because he left, like I knew he was going to.
I have called him by other names in previous posts, which is hilarious because it implied that this whole time, all of this weirdness and admiration was one-sided. It wasn’t.
It went on for a long time - a year and a half, two years? Maybe longer. You can get to know someone pretty well after that much time, and I feel like I did. And it was fine, for the most part - I mean, he’s attractive, makes me laugh, took an interest in me. Maybe some people would mind that sort of thing, but I certainly didn’t.
Except when I did. This whole experience made me constantly question and doubt myself, and the kind of wife I was being in real life. Never mind that I knew what was going on the whole time, and still managed to keep things under control. Nothing ever happened between us. Even still, I was consumed with guilt.
This past year has been mostly terrible for me, and there’s a lot of grief and sadness I have not dealt with, and let’s face it - he cheered me up during some really dark days. “That’s not terrible, Sam; that’s human,” one of my co-workers said to me earlier this week as I anxiously tried to make sense of everything.
I’ve actually talked to him since his last day (and the weird night at the bar that followed), and I think I’ve said everything I need to say to him, now. There isn’t anything lingering that’s bothering me. I talked about it with Matt, so there’s no secrets there, and he didn’t get mad. I’ve talked to other people and prayed and the common theme is that I don’t need to feel guilty.
So I won’t. And it’s such a relief.
There was originally a lot more I was going to write about this, but this seems just right. Maybe this story doesn’t need a part two.
Hi, Blanket, from Josie and my human Sam! Black and white kitties with freckled noses are the prettiest. Hope you’re having a wonderful Caturday.
Hi cat friend Josie and human friend Sam! You make a really great cat loaf. Your nose is pretty cool too. I would boop it. Thanks for being my cat friend <3
Not being very tumblr-popular, this is probably the most-viewed thing I have ever done on here. I gotta give all the credit to Josie, of course.
"You have dirt on your face, so that must mean that shit got real."
-Me to my husband, who’s been outside working on his truck all morning.
My NSSA (Not-So-Secret Admirer, or Not-So-Sneaky Admirer according to my bro in law) put in his two weeks’ notice earlier this week, meaning this will soon be a thing of the past.
He’s gotten even more bizarre with his pranks and gifts for me, now that he has no fear of repercussions. Earlier today I found several spoons neatly placed on every surface in my office; yesterday and the day before, he made me these cat sculptures out of duct tape.
They are surprisingly well-made (and yes, full of hearts).
Anyway, I guess I have mixed feelings about his impending departure.
Our second wedding anniversary went by with little fanfare. I guess that’s not really true - Matt got me flowers for the first time ever! It just seemed like it went by quickly and maybe I didn’t take the time to appreciate it like I ought to have. We took Friday off from work and had a belated little outing up to Gooseberry Falls and went out for a fancy dinner afterward. It was nice.
Mostly life is hard lately, and when things are mundane I let them be mundane. It’s just too much to feel any more than I am already feeling. So, I picked this picture as a reminder to cling to the good and just laugh. It’s about all I know how to do.
I think if I watch much more of this show I’m not gonna sleep tonight and I may also throw up everywhere.
Someone I haven’t talked to in awhile asked me for a favor today, and it made me remember that I’m really mad at this person. I haven’t dealt with it because there has been no interaction in a long time and no reason to do so, and now I’m struggling with what I should do about it. I like to think I am not a terrible and vindictive person, but… It’s stirring up a lot of nasty feelings I have paid no attention to whatsoever over these last few months.
It makes me wonder if people I haven’t talked to in awhile are secretly really upset with me, and I have no clue. Scary.
Well today it’s been seven months, and tomorrow would’ve been my parents’ 31st wedding anniversary.
I was driving to work this morning when my screaming song came on (read back a ways to find out what one that is). Except I couldn’t scream. I just cried. And then again at lunch. I holed up alone and cried. I managed to keep it to myself well enough, touched up the makeup and got back to work. Until later when I had a third episode in front of my brother in law. Which was fine, since he is in this with me anyway.
I’ve been on auto-pilot for seven months now and it’s hard to believe it’s been that long. I feel like I have done nothing useful in the last seven months and like I’m going nowhere.
I still don’t talk about this stuff, ever. To anyone. I push it down until it pushes back, and when it does I isolate completely.
I say this like I want to change it, but I’m not sure that I really do.
People often comment on how smiley and obnoxiously cheerful I always am, like I’m not capable of feeling sad or angry. Or they think I’m just really good at faking it.
In truth, it’s neither; often times it’s simply a matter of choosing joy even when things are crappy. I don’t think people realize that I make a conscious effort to have a good attitude most of the time.
But sometimes, I just… Can’t.